zinate

Hi everybody,

Can someone help me and correct this humble translation in arabic and many thanks in advance:

Our principal objective, by organizing Dinners of caritative official reception in parallel of media events, and to sensitise the powerful ones and the decision makers of this world to the need for protecting the universe in which our children will live. The idea of this first dinner is to associate Hubert Reeves, burning defender of the biodiversity and Laurent Jarry whose mark of Jewellery is committed in a caritative step. Indeed, the raw material of its creations results directly from the ground of our planet, often of country in the process of development and it thus appears equitable to him that part of the profits turns over to the ground.

إن الهدف الرئيسي من تنظيم الحفل الخيري بموازاة التظاهرات الإعلامية، هو توعية موجهة أساسا لصناع القرار لهذا العالم والى ضرورة حماية الكون وبالتالي حماية أطفالنا.
إن فكرة هذا الحفل هو جمع السيد اوبير ريف ، المدافع النشيط للتنوع البيولوجي و لورو جاري المعروف بعلامة المجوهرات المتعهدة في الميدان الخيري. والواقع أن المواد الخام لإبداعاته هي مجرد حصيلة مباشرة من ارض كوكبنا وغالبا من البلدان النامية،و يبدو للرو جاري أن جزء من أرباح هذا الاحتفال الخيري يجب أن تعود إلى الأرض.

xpsal

إن الهدف الرئيسي من تنظيم الحفل الخيري بموازاة التظاهرات الإعلامية، هو توعية موجهة أساسا لصناع القرار لهذا العالم الى ضرورة حماية الكون الذي يعيش فيه أطفالنا
إن فكرة هذا الحفل هو جمع السيد هيوبرت ريفز ، المدافع النشيط للتنوع البيولوجي و لورنت جيري المعروف بعلامة المجوهرات المتعهدة في الميدان الخيري. والواقع أن المواد الخام لإبداعاته هي مجرد حصيلة مباشرة من ارض كوكبنا وغالبا من البلدان النامية، وبالتالي يبدومن العدل له أن جزء من أرباح هذا الاحتفال الخيري يجب أن يعود إلى الأرض

The translation over all is very good, just some slight things I don't agree with, sometimes even in the original text.
My suggestions are in blue, while the red font shows the expressions I wouldn't choose.
First these are notes about the original text:
For example "our objective .." what comes after that doesn't state clearly the objective, because there is this expression "by.... " if that's the first objective then there should be "is" before "by" otherwise it will give a different meaning.
If the objective is "to sensitise the powerful ones and the decision makers..." then I don't see why we have "and" before "to sensitise ...." it should be "is to sensitise" and the translator in Arabic noticed that as well and translated it as "is to sensitise ...." and not as "and to sensitise" and I agree with the translator in that. So the first sentence was translated as:
"Our principal objective, by organizing Dinners of caritative official reception in parallel of media events, is to sensitise the powerful ones..."
Also this expression "often of country...." shoudn't be plural, anyways the translation is in plural.

Now my remarks about the translation:
- I don't see any reason to add the word "wa" so I took it off, because it means "and" which is not included in the original text.
- "The universe in which our children will live" is translated differently, it makes sense but it's not what the original text contains.
- The names of Hubert Reeves and Laurent Jarry are transliterated as if the original text was in French. So I translitereated them for English speakers.
- "and it thus appears" is missing "thus" in the translation, plus the name Laurent Jarry is mentioned after that while in the original text is not, I'm sure the translator did that to avoid ambiguity about the identity of "he...", but I think the text in Arabic could still be understood without addition.
- "equitable" was ommited, so I added the necessary expression.

__________________
- Learn Arabic, Arabic Calligraphy, Spanish, Arabic Keyboard
- Phrases in more than 52 languages
- Try some Brain Games.
Salim ۞ ۩ ۝ ۩۩۩

zinate

J thank you for yoru help but J just want to draw your attention that the original text was done in french and then I translated it into english as well as Arabic, I'll try to have a look and I will revert, meanwhile I joined you the original text:

Notre objectif principal, en organisant des Dîners de gala caritatifs en parallèle d’évènements médiatiques, et de sensibiliser les puissants et les décideurs de ce monde à la nécessité de protéger l’univers dans lequel vivront nos enfants.
__________
L’idée de ce premier dîner est d’associer Hubert Reeves, ardent défenseur de la biodiversité et Laurent Jarry dont la marque de Joaillerie est engagée dans une démarche caritative. En effet, la matière première de ses créations est issue directement du sol de notre planète, souvent de pays en voie de développement et il lui paraît donc équitable qu’une partie des profits retourne à la terre.
__________

Thanks

acrosurfer

i think that the last replies are correct too but i translate from the original french text and that is:

zinate

I thank you a lot for your translation.
It's better indeed.

Regards