bryan

in fine in seara asta sunt mai calma. Nu nu m-am internat inca, desi asa cum
stau cred ca ar fi benevola o pauza la sanatoriul de psihopupu. Am fost la
nenea doctor ca sa vad cand se poate interveni. Sunt asa de in sus si in jos
incat nu cred ca ma poti intelege. La asta ma refeream cand iti spuneam ca
as fi preferat ca lucrurile sa fie altfel. Nu sunt inca, asa ca ii dam
inainte si ne autoconvingem in fiecare dimineata ca asta este calea de
urmat. Poate cu hei-rup-ul reusesc sa imi inabus sentimentul de vina.

O sa imi programez operatia miercurea sau vinerea viitoare la inceputul
perioadei regulamentare de 8 saptamani. Un singur lucru te rog. O sa iti dau
fie contul meu fie contul clinicii si vreau sa platesti tu. E suma uriasa de
vreo 500 de australieni dar din principiu nu vreau sa platesc eu. Ma simt
destul de vinovata ca o fac.Crezi ca sunt sau crezi ca incep sa ma prostesc
?

Tot ce vreau este sa stiu ca esti macar cu gandul alaturi de mine. As vrea
mult sa imi scrii si vreau sa stii ca te iubesc chiar daca sunt usor mai
ciudata in perioada asta

dpop

finally, I am calmer tonight. I have not hospitalised myself yet, but the way I am, I think a break in a looney sanatory would be benefactory. I have been to the doctor's to see when an intervention would be possible. I am so upside-down I don't think you can understand me. This is what I meant when I told you I prefered things were different. They aren't yet, so we go on and we convince ourselves each morning that this is the path that has to be taken. Maybe I can supress my guilt by force.
I will schedule my operation next wednesday or friday, at the beginning of the 8 week period, according to the rules. I ask you one thing. I will give you my or the clinic's account, and I want you to pay. It is a huge amount, about 500 "australians", but, for the principle of it, i don't want to pay. I feel pretty guilty for doing this. Do you think I am, or do you think I'm becoming stupid?
All I want to know is that at least you are thinking of me. I really wish you'd write me, and I want you to know that I love you, even though I am a bit weird for this period.