11-11-2005, 08:52 PM
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#1 (permalink) |
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Junior
Join Date: Nov 2005
Posts: 10
cisky is an unknown character at this point
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Poems
My goodbye for you
My goodbye for you a fact of few words polishes eyes and forced smile a breath of cold wind for each moment you turn to see if my mouth keep on smiling your lack while my heart contain its last shout because it see go away the part sweeter about itself You will go back because thought is live because mind console me also when I wouldn't like for no losing the moment lovelier while you are going away your embracement Cisky (I'm emproving english language. Help me to correct error. Thank you) Last edited by cisky; 11-11-2005 at 09:02 PM. |
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11-12-2005, 04:24 AM
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#2 (permalink) |
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oceania
Join Date: Dec 2004
Location: Kansas-USA
Posts: 83
Chrissy is an unknown character at this point
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I like your poem, Cisky. It's very cute.
 I bolded/shortened what I thought would sound better.  it's of course my opinion, you yourself or others might feel diffrently...My goodbye for/to you My goodbye TO you- a few words polishes eyes. A forced smile a breath of cold AIR for each moment you turn to see if my mouth IS STILL smiling at your LOSE (?) while my heart RESTRAINS its last shout because it sees the sweatest part of itself going away. You will go back because thought is live (LIFE?) but my mind consoles me EVEN THOUGH I DON't like THE THOUGHT OF losing YOU the moment IS lovelier KNOWING YOU ARE going away BUT FOR THE MOMNET I AM IN YOUR embrace. |
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11-12-2005, 10:06 PM
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#3 (permalink) |
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Junior
Join Date: Nov 2005
Posts: 10
cisky is an unknown character at this point
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Chrissy I thank you.
You are very nice to help me. I understand my grammar error and I can know some synonyms. I think in italian and i write in english. This is my difficult. So i think that if I write my poem after your suggesting I rewrite it so like this: My goodbye to you few words polishes eyes and forced smile a breath of cold air for each moment you turn to see if my mouth is still smiling your lack while my heart restrains its last shout because it sees the sweatest part of itself going away You will go back because thought live because mind consoles me also if I wouldn't like because I wouldn't lose the moment lovelier while you are going away your embracement Cisky & Chrissy |
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11-17-2005, 03:15 AM
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#5 (permalink) |
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Ioannis
Join Date: Oct 2005
Location: Europe
Posts: 6
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I like this poem,Cisky.Every time when it is read a poem is re composed by the mind of the reader.Glad to be a reader of your poetry.Thank you.All he best,Ioannis,with no talent in poetry
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Ioannis 
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11-17-2005, 09:55 PM
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#6 (permalink) | |
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Junior
Join Date: Nov 2005
Posts: 10
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Quote:
Cisky is only my nick name but I like it. I like thinking that is my soul's name. I called this area poems but I write only my thoughts... I love photographs but i think they show only goods moments thoughts instead shows every moments, so I write me because I don't want lose nothing about my life. Why don't you write something to you too? I can feel your emotions. Bye and thank you for your presence. |
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11-17-2005, 10:07 PM
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Junior
Join Date: Nov 2005
Posts: 10
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Quote:
Thank you for your thought. I think is not a question about talent. Everybody live and feel emotions. Listen your heart and lets him to write them for you. I would like read something to you. I wait you. Bye |
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Piano Bar : The international discussion forum : Poems
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