GIJane

Well, my English may hurt you But I'm a Major in Letters (Portughese), so I can correct you grammar and explain you the metaphors (You have choosen some difficult ones ). Then, you can choose a word in English that can better fit in that place

nancey

That would be fine. I'm sure your English won't hurt me. Slice away. Put your Portuguese spin on it, please. I am sure I did a lot wrong.

I am looking forward to understanding these songs with more accuracy. Thank you so much!

GIJane

Ok, here we go

Negue seu amor o seu carinho
Diga que voce ja me esqueceu
Pise machucando com jeitinho
Esse coracao que ainda e sue

Diga que meu pranto e covardia
Mas nao esqueca que voce foi meu um dia

Diga que ja nao me quer
Negue que me pertence
E eu mostro a boca mohada ainda marcada
Pelo beijo seu



Deny the love and the caresses

Deny your love and your tenderness (deny you still have these feelings for me)

Say that you already forgot

Say (that) you already forgot me

Floor with your knack for injury

Crush me (maybe 'shatter me'?), humiliating me kindly (implicit and sarcastic: humiliate me, but do it in a kind way)

This heart that still is yours

This heart that's still yours (or: this heart that still belongs to you)

Say that my weeping is cowardice

or: Say (that) my tears are a trick (to demove him)


But don't forget


But don't (you) forget



There was a day I dueled you (This line may be way off, help!)



(that) you have already been mine.



Say that there's no longer desire


Say you don't want me anymore/ or: Say you no longer desire me


Deny that you matter to me


Deny you (have) ever belonged to me (hopefully you understand what I mean here... LOL)



And I'll show the evidence
A mouth drooling
And burning
For your kiss


These last sentences may be understood like this: "Its useless for you to deny that you have been mine, that you have loved me, because I can proof you're lying". And how 'she' would do this? 'Showing' him she still has her lips ('boca' means 'mouth', like you said, but it means "lips" in this context) burned by his kisses.



I suppose they have choosen the terms 'molhada' and 'marcada' ('wet' and 'marked') as a metaphor meaning it hasnt been too long they are separated. Or: he was still in love with her until a few time ago. I mean, 'wet lips' wont be 'wet' for too long, write?



I hope I have made myself clear. Now, if you want, you can 're-write' it and send me the new version back.



(Ok, no one tread on me. I'm not a soldier, but my boyfriend is. And he is 6'3''...LOL!!!)

nancey

Thank you so much for going to the trouble. I see the differences.

A couple of translator type explanation, if you don't mind and fyi (for your information).

I'm not sure if there is a word "demove" in English, although there should be ! The "you" won't be "moved" by the plea of the "I". It won't move him or change his mind. Is that what you mean by demove?

I also want to explain "Floor" so I don't sound so off-base. I was trying to think if it could be possible that "Pise" was related to piso. In colloquial English, when you use "floor" as a verb, it is like you have knocked them to the floor, you have so startled or surprised or stopped the person from doing or thinking what they want to do next. I was floored to learn . . . or I am floored to realize. So as an imperative, I was trying to play on the injury aspect of "machucando" and also my own weird play on words for the meaning of "jeitinho" which is "knack" right? To have a "knack" for something means you have a talent or tendency to do something well. But "knack" is only a vowel removed from "knock". So I was trying to building an image of hurt me, knock me down, do what you do all too well to me, but it won't affect my feelings. Tell me, do you think that a translator goes to far, jumps the track so to speak, with that kind of play once the language is translated?

In the "duelled" line, I like what you gave. To explain why I went off-track in terms what was offered, I was using "foi" in a sound sense, it may be off-track again. I took liberties with the sound sense of "foi" -- in Portuguese "foice" (scythe or blade?) or in English "foil" (many interpretations, but in this case fencing blade and also frustrate, as Mr. Magoo in Bugs Bunny, if you know that cartoon, always says, "foiled again!") rather than "made" (a verb that has similar depth in English, lol).

I wanted to balance the coward image with a bravery image. But it went too far. In other words, you say I'm a coward, but remember how we "engaged" or "fought" or "duelled" . . . but I guess it's all explained with "made". Lol.

Also, the mouth - lips part. I was trying to get an image not so much of "Look what you did to my mouth, how can you deny . . . " But more, do you really think I would be hungry or "drooling" and "burning" for you, if what I feel isn't true? You can deny what you once felt, but you can't deny what I still feel.

I know the word "evidence" isn't in the lyric, but the "mostro" reminded me of English "demonstrate". It means "show," but more of an act of display. But now I think I went too far, adding the word "evidence" . But it also was connected to the interpretation of showing one's mouth as proof or evidence that can't be denied.

I think that "marcada" is usually considered to be a "mark" as though evidence or after-the-fact. But I also think it can mean "scorched" or "parched", like fire has dried them or like a burn mark on grilled food .
Maybe "drooling" is too graphic -- dogs drool. Kids drool for ice cream. I am not sure what adults drool for (lol). So something like:

And I'll show you lips moist yet still parched
For your kiss

I hope you've had as much fun as I have with this.

Lembrancas

nancey

I would also very much enjoy reading your response to Explode Coracao translation, especially what grammar, which I'm especially weak on and of course, for the metaphors. Thanks again for all your time and creativity.

P.S. Neither I nor my husband are in the military.