Several english sentences for my exam (job application)

junk01 · 05-29-2007, 10:00 AM

I everybody. I've to pass an exam on June 1, and I need to prepare a Job application. However, my english is not perfect, so would you mind tell me what's wrong in my preparation ?

Thanks a lot, really. And if I can help you for an english to french translation, don't hesitate !

__________________________________
I went to secondary school in Belgium. I completed my secondary education five years ago.

After that, I went to university and I graduated in 2007, with a Master in Social Psychology and Human Ressources. I always got good grades. I decided to study Pychology because I’ve already had Pscyhology courses during my secondary school years, and it interested me a lot.

As it is mentioned in my resume, I did my five months internship in a bank in Canada. It was very rewarding for me to be in charge of recruitment. It provided me a global exposure of human resource issues, and provided me the opportunity to apply theory to actual work experience.

My dissertation tries to show how to decrease the Glass Ceiling effect (a kind of sexual discrimination) while improving the performances of a company.
(in summary, hiring women can improve financial performance of a company).

Concerning my language skills, I’m fluent in English (particulary in reading English) and French is my mother tongue.

As it is mentioned in my resume, I have a lot of computer skills, and that could be very usefull for a job in human ressources, to manage the employees, the pay slips, etc. (furthermore, I’ve made several websites, for the law students, and others about my hobbies).

I have had a number of student jobs, such as :
- receptionist on a campsite : I had to pick up the phone, take the reservations and welcome the campers
- promoboy : I had to distribute leaflets for ChildFocus.
- and assistant in a restaurant where I did the dishes.

Conerning my hobbies,
- I like travelling. I visited a lot of countries, such as Turkey, Canada, United States, Thailand, Indonesia, Taiwan, and a lot of european countries. I did all those travels because I like discovering others cultures.
- Moreover, I love nature. For exemple, I like going for a walk when I’m at my parents’s house, because it’s on the countryside.
- I also do several sports, such as jogging (almost every day), and skiing (twice a year).
- Finally, I like new technologies, such as mobile phones, computers, video games, and all others similar gadgets very much.

If I want to work in your company, it’s mainly because IBM il very famous and has a good reputation. Furthermore, I would like to live in Canada, therefore, working here would be a good opportunity to make my wish come true.

Concerning my qualities, I’m very hard working (for example, I usually work more than 10 hours per day during the exams). I’m also very ambitious, I always want the best, and that’s why I chose your company.
Furthermore, I’m a very open-minded individual, and that’s the reason why I did my dissertation about the diversity.
(I also get on well with people ; I have a lot of friends.)

Concerning my weaknesses, I’m impatient (I don’t like waiting), stubborn (I like being right) and too perfectionist (i.e : I often waste time to improve my work). But I’m very aware of those weakness, and I always do all that I can to overcome them.

Why me ?
Because I think I would be a good leader in your HR department. I think I would be able to improve the financial performance of IBM, among others by improving the recruitment process, and by hiring more women. Furthermore, it seems that I have the appropriate professional qualifications for this Job.

As it is mentioned on your advertisement, the position is very flexible. That suits me, because I would like to pursue a postgraduate degree in Human Ressources at IAG. So, a part time job would let me the time to do that.

I know you’re looking for a candidate who has several years HR specialist experience. Even if I don’t have so many years of experience, I think I will meet the requierements, because I’ve learned a lot during my interniship, and I’m a quick learner.
_________________________________________

One more time : thanks !!

NAR · 05-29-2007, 07:41 PM

I think it's better if you just keep it short - up to four paragraphs at most. Avoid repeating items such as your hobbies, qualifications or command of English which are already included in your curriculum vitae. Be concise and formal.

05-29-2007, 10:00 AM	#1 (permalink)
junk01 Brand New Member Join Date: May 2007 Posts: 1 junk01 is an unknown character at this point	Several english sentences for my exam (job application) I everybody. I've to pass an exam on June 1, and I need to prepare a Job application. However, my english is not perfect, so would you mind tell me what's wrong in my preparation ? Thanks a lot, really. And if I can help you for an english to french translation, don't hesitate ! __________________________________ I went to secondary school in Belgium. I completed my secondary education five years ago. After that, I went to university and I graduated in 2007, with a Master in Social Psychology and Human Ressources. I always got good grades. I decided to study Pychology because I’ve already had Pscyhology courses during my secondary school years, and it interested me a lot. As it is mentioned in my resume, I did my five months internship in a bank in Canada. It was very rewarding for me to be in charge of recruitment. It provided me a global exposure of human resource issues, and provided me the opportunity to apply theory to actual work experience. My dissertation tries to show how to decrease the Glass Ceiling effect (a kind of sexual discrimination) while improving the performances of a company. (in summary, hiring women can improve financial performance of a company). Concerning my language skills, I’m fluent in English (particulary in reading English) and French is my mother tongue. As it is mentioned in my resume, I have a lot of computer skills, and that could be very usefull for a job in human ressources, to manage the employees, the pay slips, etc. (furthermore, I’ve made several websites, for the law students, and others about my hobbies). I have had a number of student jobs, such as : - receptionist on a campsite : I had to pick up the phone, take the reservations and welcome the campers - promoboy : I had to distribute leaflets for ChildFocus. - and assistant in a restaurant where I did the dishes. Conerning my hobbies, - I like travelling. I visited a lot of countries, such as Turkey, Canada, United States, Thailand, Indonesia, Taiwan, and a lot of european countries. I did all those travels because I like discovering others cultures. - Moreover, I love nature. For exemple, I like going for a walk when I’m at my parents’s house, because it’s on the countryside. - I also do several sports, such as jogging (almost every day), and skiing (twice a year). - Finally, I like new technologies, such as mobile phones, computers, video games, and all others similar gadgets very much. If I want to work in your company, it’s mainly because IBM il very famous and has a good reputation. Furthermore, I would like to live in Canada, therefore, working here would be a good opportunity to make my wish come true. Concerning my qualities, I’m very hard working (for example, I usually work more than 10 hours per day during the exams). I’m also very ambitious, I always want the best, and that’s why I chose your company. Furthermore, I’m a very open-minded individual, and that’s the reason why I did my dissertation about the diversity. (I also get on well with people ; I have a lot of friends.) Concerning my weaknesses, I’m impatient (I don’t like waiting), stubborn (I like being right) and too perfectionist (i.e : I often waste time to improve my work). But I’m very aware of those weakness, and I always do all that I can to overcome them. Why me ? Because I think I would be a good leader in your HR department. I think I would be able to improve the financial performance of IBM, among others by improving the recruitment process, and by hiring more women. Furthermore, it seems that I have the appropriate professional qualifications for this Job. As it is mentioned on your advertisement, the position is very flexible. That suits me, because I would like to pursue a postgraduate degree in Human Ressources at IAG. So, a part time job would let me the time to do that. I know you’re looking for a candidate who has several years HR specialist experience. Even if I don’t have so many years of experience, I think I will meet the requierements, because I’ve learned a lot during my interniship, and I’m a quick learner. _________________________________________ One more time : thanks !!
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05-29-2007, 07:41 PM	#2 (permalink)
NAR Simply the Best Join Date: Oct 2005 Posts: 474 NAR has a spectacular aura about	I think it's better if you just keep it short - up to four paragraphs at most. Avoid repeating items such as your hobbies, qualifications or command of English which are already included in your curriculum vitae. Be concise and formal.
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