TeNdReSsE

bonjour j'ai un essai a faire et le sujet est : Is everyboby equally equipped to take up further education ?
Merci de me le corriger et de m'expliquer

In my opinion, to think that everyboby is equally equipped to take up further education is an illusion.

On the one hand, there is a strong inequality at school on United Kingdom and France.
In fact in this countries there is (or are ?) selection is based on markes obtained in the "A Levels". Moreover there is quotas.So a few students can go to the University. This students who( or whose ? ) go in the most famous Universities are often upper class' children .
Like in UK , French students can get grants to help them pay for their studies, in fact the government suggest federal grants for the most students who parents have low incomes.But those grants are not enough to cover all the expenses . So students have not same access to the same school . Wealthy's students go in famous Universities, while humble's students go to the " public school " .

To my mind rich students are prepared to make long study.Parents urge them to do study. So they help children everytime and can pay for them teachers when the didn't undertand .
Also foreign parents who don't speack the language of the country can't help their children. This parents are often modest and suggest to their children to do short study in order to work .

J'ai besoin d'un autre idée mais je le trouve pas pour exprimer la partie contre, j'ai deja eu du mal a organiser celles du dessus et la il m'en manque une, si vous pouviez m'en proposer une se serait gentil .

However the government try to reduce this inequality. The government taken measure, which a student with low incomes federal grants or loans .
(il manque une conclusion des que je la fais de la mettrait sur le forum )

merci de votre aide

jackspeese

Voici mes suggestions et ameliorations, si t'as encore des questions ou si tu ne comprends pas mes corrections, tu peux m'envoyer un courriel a jspeese@dmv.com
Je te souhaite joyeux Noel et bonne chance a l'ecole.

In my opinion, it is an illusion to think that everyboby is equally equipped to take up further education.

On one hand, there is a large inequality in schools in the United Kingdom and France.
In fact, in these countries there is selection is based on marks obtained at the "A Levels". Moreover there are quotas. Therefore, a few students can go to the University. These students who go to the most famous Universities are often upper class' children .
As in the UK , French students can get grants to help them pay for their studies, in fact the government suggests federal grants for most students whose parents have low incomes.But those grants are not enough to cover all the expenses, therefore, students do not have equal access to the same schools. Wealthy's students go to famous Universities, while less wealthy students go to the " public schools" .

In my opinion, rich students are prepared to study for a long time. Parents urge them to study. So they help their children all of the time and can pay teachers to help them when they don't undertand something.
Also, foreign parents who don't speak the language of the country can't help their children. These parents have often modest incomes and suggest to their children to study for only a short time so that they can work .

J'ai besoin d'un autre idée mais je le trouve pas pour exprimer la partie contre, j'ai deja eu du mal a organiser celles du dessus et la il m'en manque une, si vous pouviez m'en proposer une se serait gentil .

However, the government is trying to reduce this inequality. The government has taken measures to enable a student with low incomes to obtain federal grants or loans .