lovenglish

Hello everybody !

Can someone correct my essay ?
Here is :

Job can be very significant in somebody’s life. Indeed, it’s a part of our everyday life, basic for men’s bloom within society.

Job is fore and foremost a means of intregating in the business world which allows to acquire some independance and maturity. These qualities are formidable assets which can make a man imposing and inspiring the others with respect.
Besides, independance is essential to fulfil oneself since it’s also a proof of financial autonomy that we can acquire by working.
Thus, thanks to money, we can cover our family’needs, help the more underprivileged persons and give presents to your relatives and friends. You can also merely indulge yourself by buying clothes and travelling all over the world or whatever. Actually, the more money you get, the more freedom you have . If you ‘re wealthy so you don’t need to restrain yourself all the time anymore .
Workplace is where you’re likely to meet most people. So, you can create ties with them which could be friendship links or business links . Indeed, you socialize with hundreds of men and women, which implies the fact that working is also an effective means of learning how to live in community as well as how to listen to each other and open up to the others .
Eventually, job allows to kill time. Indeed : who wouldn’t think it’s boring to stay at home all the day doing nothing? Men need go out, meet people as well to evolve as to blossom .

In short, job is essential for humanity’s development. It’s more precious than we think. However, we can wonder how present job can be in our life whithout suffocating us for all that .

Thanks !

lovenglish

Merci de répondre ! J'aimerais vraiment savoir

The_FD

let's say

Job is fore and foremost a mean of intregation in the business world which allows to acquire some independance and maturity. These qualities are formidable assets which can make a man respected by other people.
Besides, independance is essential to fulfill oneself (suis pas sûr de comprendre là???) since it’s also a proof of financial autonomy that we can acquire by working.
Thus, thanks to money, we can cover our family’s needs, help () underprivileged people and give presents to our relatives and friends. You can also merely indulge yourself by buying clothes and travelling all over the world or whatever. Actually, the more money you get, the more freedom you have. If you‘re wealthy, () you don’t need to restrain yourself all the time anymore .
Workplace is where you’re likely to meet most people. So, you can create ties with them which could be friendship links or business links. Indeed, you socialize with hundreds of men and women, which implies the fact that working is also an effective means of learning how to live in community as well as how to listen to each other and open up to others.
Eventually, job allows to kill time. Indeed : who wouldn’t think it’s boring to stay at home all the day doing nothing? Men need to go out, meet people as well to evolve or blossom.

In short, job is essential for humanity’s development. It’s more precious than we think. However, we can wonder how present job can be in our life whithout suffocating us for all that. (heu comprend pas bien la fin de la phrase )

__________________
L'histoire de la famille Bourdillon
Les fêtes d'Hébé
The flying dancer dancing

lovenglish

Merci beaucoup !!!!


pour "fulfill oneself" je voulais dire par là "s'autoréaliser" je ne sais pas vraiment comment on dit.
Quant à la derniere phrase elle était sensée signifier " Toutefois on peut se demander jusqu'a quel point le travail peut il etre présent dans nos vies sans pour autant devenir étouffant" comment le dire ?