Correction for school

colacao95 · 10-26-2009, 10:41 PM

Hello, I'm french! Can you correct my mistakes ? It's for school ! Thank you ...

Dear diary,
My day very well took place but I have absolutely to announce you something. I have just come back from the sumptuous party of uncle George but now you can't know how I feel sick. In 18 years, I have only just discovered the poverty. Tonight, on the way back, there were these poor men, women and children sat on the pavement. They carried rags and covers to protect itself. I did not understand what they made outside at the present time there! Dad and Mom explained me that they were homeless. They seem so unfortunate and sad. We could even read on the face the hunger which destroyed them. How can we let people sleep outside and starve? I can't understand ... What a shame!
I was in my girl's world and I believed that everybody ate in his hunger and slept in clean sheets but it was false! I find it so inequitable! I asked dad if he could not build them small houses and the only thing which he answered it was that there is no profit in house property! He so disappoints me, him who was a model for me. He always said " the rich have to defend the weak". As I was naive. He is so selfish and thinks only of winning still more money!
As for mom, she is worse than him! She dares to say that he does not have to justify itself, that he was born in aristocrats' family and that it is like that! It is a so bad argument, the poor men have never asked to be poor men! Furthermore, she wants to persuade me that people outside are criminals, alcoholics and that I do not have to care about them! There were nevertheless women, children and old persons! It is weak persons who need help! If my parents do not want to help them I would help them! I could not sleep anymore the quiet consciousness as long as these persons will have the bare necessities!
Now that I understood the luck which I had, I am going to take advantage of it to find a solution! Tomorrow is another day...

nomi · 10-28-2009, 05:20 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by colacao95

Hello, I'm french! Can you correct my mistakes ? It's for school ! Thank you ...

Dear diary,
My day went greatbut I absolutely have to announce you something. I just came back from the sumptuous party of uncle George but now you can't know how sickI feel. It took me 18 years to discover poverty. Tonight, on the way back, there were these poor men, women and children sitting on the pavement. They carried rags and covers to protect themselves. I did not understand what they were doing outside at the moment! Dad and Mom explained me that they were homeless. They looked so unfortunate and sad. We could even read on theirface the hunger which destroyed them. How can we let people sleep outside and starve? I can't understand ... What a shame!
I was in my girl's world and I believed that everybody ate their filland slept in clean sheets but it was false! I find it so inequitable! I asked dad if he could not build them small houses and the only thing which he answered it was that there is no profit in house property! He disappointed me so much, he who was a rolemodel to me. He always said " the Rich have to defend the Weak". How naive I was. He is so selfish and onlythinks about winning more and moremoney!
As for mom, she is worse than him! She dares to say that he does not have to justify himself, that he was born in aristocrats' family and that it is like that! It issuch a bad argument, the poor men have never asked to be poor men! Furthermore, she wants to persuade me that people outside are criminals, alcoholics and that I do not have to care about them! There were nevertheless women, children and old persons! It is weak persons who need help! If my parents do not want to help them I would help them! I won't be able ti sleep in a quiet consciousness anymore untilthese persons have the bare necessities!
Now that I understand the luck I ha, I am going to take advantage of it to find a solution! Tomorrow is another day...

colacao95 · 10-28-2009, 10:07 PM

thank you so muchh

10-26-2009, 10:41 PM	#1 (permalink)
colacao95 Member Join Date: Oct 2008 Posts: 31 colacao95 is an unknown character at this point	Correction for school Hello, I'm french! Can you correct my mistakes ? It's for school ! Thank you ... Dear diary, My day very well took place but I have absolutely to announce you something. I have just come back from the sumptuous party of uncle George but now you can't know how I feel sick. In 18 years, I have only just discovered the poverty. Tonight, on the way back, there were these poor men, women and children sat on the pavement. They carried rags and covers to protect itself. I did not understand what they made outside at the present time there! Dad and Mom explained me that they were homeless. They seem so unfortunate and sad. We could even read on the face the hunger which destroyed them. How can we let people sleep outside and starve? I can't understand ... What a shame! I was in my girl's world and I believed that everybody ate in his hunger and slept in clean sheets but it was false! I find it so inequitable! I asked dad if he could not build them small houses and the only thing which he answered it was that there is no profit in house property! He so disappoints me, him who was a model for me. He always said " the rich have to defend the weak". As I was naive. He is so selfish and thinks only of winning still more money! As for mom, she is worse than him! She dares to say that he does not have to justify itself, that he was born in aristocrats' family and that it is like that! It is a so bad argument, the poor men have never asked to be poor men! Furthermore, she wants to persuade me that people outside are criminals, alcoholics and that I do not have to care about them! There were nevertheless women, children and old persons! It is weak persons who need help! If my parents do not want to help them I would help them! I could not sleep anymore the quiet consciousness as long as these persons will have the bare necessities! Now that I understood the luck which I had, I am going to take advantage of it to find a solution! Tomorrow is another day...
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10-28-2009, 10:07 PM	#3 (permalink)
colacao95 Member Join Date: Oct 2008 Posts: 31 colacao95 is an unknown character at this point	thank you so muchh
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