reep

Hi,

having a cover letter to do, to validate a case file concerning a semester in Korea, i was wondering if it could be possible that one of you have a look on it : telling me if there are aweful mistakes or not.

Thanks in advance.

K.

-----

Dear Sir or Madam,

I wish to apply for the KAIST Student Exchange Program for the semester of Summer 2010.

I am currently in my first year of studies in the Computer Sciences department of the University of Technology at Belfort-Montbéliard (France).

My interest for computering and sciences is one of the main reasons of my application. Indeed, fond of development for now 6 years (especially C, Shell and Php/MySQL) I have to admit that to have the chance to study in one of the most technophile country in the world is clearly exciting.

Moreover, being a fan of design and especially webdesign (I’ve developped my owned web agency) I can’t get out of my mind that Korea thanks to LG or Samsung has the best designers in the world, and it’s certainly due to something else than talent, I mean the specific korean culture which is completely different from our european one.

That’s why, the second main reason for this application is simply my passion for new cultures, new things. I have read a lot of things about Korea, and being currently learning the basics of the korean language and the linked culture, I have to readmit that to have the opportunity to, firstly, be in of the best asian university, I mean Kaist, and secondly to be in a foreign country so far away from France, is clearly thrilling.

Finally, having lived and worked in London for 2 months, this last summer, I think that following courses in english will not be a problem and will just remind me my courses of “Algorithmic and programming : level 2” of last semester, which was fully in english. Note that, the aim of this stay in London was to improve my english. In other words : prior to not taking over my enclosed English Language Proficiency Record, which was done one year ago and which is not really revealant of my current english level.

I hope sincerely, you will take into consideration my application.

I look forward to hearing from you.

Yours faithfully.

smiles guy

NB:
1) You have a major proble with run-on sentences and colon usage.
2) This is a professional letter. To this extent, you started off by NOT using contractions. Then began to use them at the mid-point of this correspondance.

In professional communications, you must adhear to the methodology of your commencement. Not doing so confers an impression to the reader that you "lack in intelligence." Therefore if you begin with a non-contraction such as "I have." Do NOT begin using "I've" later on in the letter.

__________________
Vive le Québec libre !
Je suis né Mi'kmaq/anglophone et Je mourrai francophone.
Je suis né au Québec et je suis donc, Québécois
Je suis français par droite et par choix.
Mon pays, c'est le Québec... Ce n'est pas le Canada

reep

Thanks a lot "smiles guy" =)

Vu que vous semblez parler français, je me permets de vous répondre en français. Oui, je dois avouer que j'ai quelques problèmes avec les ":", c'est certainement dû au fait de toujours vouloir synthétiser mes emails, mes rapports, etc. J'en prends note.

Pour ce qui est des phrases à n'en plus finir, après relecture, je dois avouer que vous avez tout à fait raison.

Bref, un grand merci en tout cas, j'ai juste quelques questions supplémentaires concernant votre correction :

- "truely of development" > "truly of" est équivalent à "fond of" ? (je ne trouve cette expression nul part dans mon dictionnaire)

- "due to something else other than talent" > j'ai un peu de mal à comprendre l'intérêt du "other" ; il me semblait que pour dire "quelque chose d'autre", "something else" suffisait.

- "and being that I am currently studying the basics" > hum, comment traduisez vous le "being that" ? le "being currently studying" ne convenait-il pas ?

- Pour le reste : ok

Merci beaucoup dans tous les cas.

Bonne soirée,
K.

smiles guy

En fait,
C'est un problème que vos paroles n'étaient pas clair.
Donc c'était que des suppositions de ma part.

__________________
Vive le Québec libre !
Je suis né Mi'kmaq/anglophone et Je mourrai francophone.
Je suis né au Québec et je suis donc, Québécois
Je suis français par droite et par choix.
Mon pays, c'est le Québec... Ce n'est pas le Canada

reep

Thanks a lot anyway =)

Jessierugg

For your last questions: "truly of" is not the equivalent of "fond of". "Fond of is fine for what you want to say.

For "due to something else other than talent" Smiles Guy is right. "Due to something else than talant" does not sound right. You could say "Due to something other than talant" (although that could imply that they do not have talent) or you could say "due to something else than talant" "Due to something else in addition to talant" might sound the best

And "being currently studying" ne convenait-il pas ? No, it doesn't sound quite right. "Being that I am currently studying the basics" is correct

Also, "I am forced to admit" and "I forced to once again assert" does not sound right. You might change it to "I have to admit" and "I have to admit again" or "I must admit once again"