regbar

Hello! I have an essay to make for tomorrow. Thanks to tell me if there are mistakes.




This text is an article entitled “To Have and to Hold”. It was published by The Economist on the 16th of November 2002. This survey, conducted by the British magazine (I mean the Economist, is it understandable?), approaches the social French System and the issues the latter have to face today (not too heavy?). The writer of the article (is it correct? I do not want to use “author” because the word is at the beginning of the next paragraph) derides this system. We can wonder about the reasons for this criticism.

Firstly, the author’s thesis and argument will be outlined. The French acquired many social benefits which are not sustainable (sustainable is correct?) anymore. In fact (Is “Indeed” correct here? My English teacher told me I often misuse the word “indeed”), their social system needs to be reformed (“must be reformed” is better?). Yet (comma?) the French want to keep it. Secondly, we will focus on the peculiar history of French social system. Then, we will probe more deeply in the reasons for its inevitable reform (not too heavy?).




The author begins arguing that the French have “an extraordinary propensity to take to the streets”. After this introduction, the journalist (I would like to use a different word from “author” to avoid repetitions, is the word “journalist” correct?) states (states or expounds or another verb?) a paradox about trade unions: membership is quite low, yet their power is still high.

Then, the author shows (better verb? To present?) all the qualities of the social French system: it reduces the inequalities, it is fair and also quite cheap, it warrants a pension for each worker who had contributed, there is no list at hospital, and the poor get their treatments free.
However, it is “too good to last”. The system needs to be reformed. On the one hand, demography harms to the pension system of répartition. Indeed (or in fact? Which is the best?) by 2040, there will be (I look for a richer expression, could you help me?) only one worker for one pensioner. If the system does not evolve, the contributions will be deficient. On the other hand, social-security system copes with two main issues. The first is due to the unemployment which leads to lower tax receipts. The second concerns (is it a correct synonym of “is about”?) the growing of the health spending.

Afterwards (is it correct?), the author deals with the several plans which have been proposed (were proposed?) to carry out efficient reform.
As regard the system of repartition three solutions are possible in order to absorb the deficit. The French should pay higher contributions, accept lower pensions or a rise of the retirement age.
Concerning the social-security system, several measures have been taken (were taken?) to fight the social security deficit. The government increased (have increased?) tobacco taxes and incites to prescribe and to use generic drugs because they are cheaper.

Finally, the author shows (a richer verb? Exhibit? Presents? Indicates? Points out?) the difficulties to reform the French social system. The right to strike, the social talks added to the number of civil servants made the reform difficult. The Unions are powerful in France. That is why ministers need courage to propose reform.



Thanks for your help!

regbar

I improved my text. If some mistakes remain, thanks for your help







This text is an article entitled “To Have and to Hold”, published by The Economist on the 16th November 2002. It is the result of a survey conducted by the British magazine on some aspects of France. It approaches the French social system and the issues that the latter have to face today. The writer of the article derides this system. We can examine the reasons for this criticism.



Firstly, the author’s thesis and argument will be outlined. The French acquired many social benefits which are no longer sustainable. Indeed, their social system must be modernized. Yet the French want to preserve it. Secondly, the peculiar history of French social services will be focused on. Then we will probe more deeply in the reasons for their inevitable reform.









The author begins by arguing that the French have “an extraordinary propensity to take to the streets”. After this introduction, he highlights the chief paradox of France’s trade unions: while membership is quite low, they remain powerful and influential.



Then the qualities of the French social system are presented. The latter reduces inequalities. It is fair and quite cheap. It grants a pension to each worker who has contributed. Moreover, health service is still pretty efficient.

However, this situation is “too good to last”. The service must be reformed. On the one hand, demography harms the pension system of répartition. Indeed, by 2040 there will remain only one worker for one pensioner. If the system does not evolve, contributions will be deficient. On the other hand, the Social Security service copes with two main issues. The first is due to unemployment which leads to lower tax receipts. The second concerns the growth of the health spending.



The author then examines the several plans which have been proposed to carry out an efficient reform. As regards the pension system three solutions are possible in order to absorb the deficit. The French should pay higher contributions, agree to receive lower pensions, or accept a rise of the retirement age.

Concerning the Social Security system, some measures have been taken to fight the shortfall. The government has increased tobacco taxes and incites the doctors to prescribe generic drugs because the latter are cheaper.



Finally, the journalist emphasises the difficulties of reforming the French social system. The right to strike, the social talks and the great number of civil servants make the reform difficult. The trade unions are powerful in France. That is why government needs courage to propose reform.

MikeL

Your essay is very well written. A few small suggestions:
probe into (not in)
"health service" should be either "the health service", with the definite article, or "health services"
"there will remain" is possible but clumsy; "there will be" is better
"The first is due to unemployment": I would omit the "due to"
"the growth of health spending" (no article)
"a rise in the retirement age"
"incites" is not possible; "encourages" (or does the government give incentives?? - there is a word "incentivizes" but it's an ugly neologism)
"the social talks"?? (le discours social??) "dialogue" is a better word

J'espère que ce n'est pas trop tard!

regbar

Non, ça n'était pas trop tard. Merci pour votre aide