hela

Dear members,

Would you please have a look at my translation ? How can it be improved so that it becomes “excellent” ? I think that my English text is too close to the French one and not idiomatic enough.

FRENCH:

Il n’y a pas très longtemps, on encourageait les consommateurs des pays industrialisés à acheter et même à gaspiller de plus en plus de biens, « Plus on jette à la poubelle, plus on prospère » étant le slogan qui avait alors cours. Pendant ce temps, dans les pays en voie de développement, une grande partie de la population était sous-alimentée. Des spécialistes de l’Institut de Technologies du Massachusetts et puis le Club de Rome (qu’est-ce que c’est?) ont mis en garde le monde industriel contre la croissance illimitée; mais la devise: « Ce qui est petit est beau » n’a pas vraiment convaincu, et des hommes et des femmes qui mangent trop continuent à prodiguer temps et argent pour essayer de garder la ligne.
Certains sont prêts à donner une aide en argent, denrées alimentaires et conseillers techniques, quand, de temps à autre, les médias leur rappellent que des dizaines de gens meurent de faim tous les jours.
Peut-être faut-il de l’imagination pour aborder ce problème et le résoudre. Puisque les terres agricoles fertiles sont rares, il dépend de nous de les gérer avec soin.

Le Monde, décembre 1990

ENGLISH :

Not so long ago (does the phrase “way long ago” exist ?), consumers of / in industrialized countries were encouraged not only to buy but even to waste more and more goods. “The more we waste, the more we prosper” was the prevailing slogan then / was the slogan which was prevailing then. In the meantime, in developing countries, a large / major part of the (world ?) population was underfed. Specialists of the Massachusetts Institute of Technology and the Club of Rome (?) warned the industrial world (?) against the unlimited growth, but the credo which said / says (?) “What is small is beautiful” was not really convincing / had not really convinced and men and women who eat too much keep on spending time and money trying to remain slim / to watch their figure.

Some are ready to give / send financial aid, food and technical advisors when, now and then, the media remind them that several (?) people die every day of hunger.

A … of imagination (is there a partitive that can be used with “imagination” here ? Something like “a touch of” = un brin d’imagination) might be needed to deal with then / and solve that problem. Given that / Since fertile / productive farms are rare, it is up to us to manage them with care.

Thank you for your help,
Hela

The_FD

Voilà mes propositions en attendant d'autres plus perspicaces

Not so long ago (does the phrase “way long ago” exist ?), industrialized countries consumers were encouraged not only to buy but even to waste more and more goods. “The more we waste, the more we prosper” was the prevailing slogan then. In the meantime, in developing countries, the major part of the population was underfed. Specialists of the Massachusetts Institute of Technology and the Club of Rome (?) warned the industrialized regions against the unlimited growth, but the “small is beautiful” credo did not overcome the powerful world of prosperity. Thus men and women who eat too much keep on spending time and money trying to remain fit.

Some are likely to send financial aids, food and technical advisors when, now and then, the media remind them that several people die every day of hunger.

Pehpas people need some more imagination to solve the problem. It is up to us to manage with care the rare fertile areas

__________________
L'histoire de la famille Bourdillon
Les fêtes d'Hébé
The flying dancer dancing

MikeL

I tried to highlight the changes in bold type but it doesn't work. Hope you can make sense of this.

thepiboy

A Short time ago, consumers in industrialized countries were encouraged to buy and waste more goods. The slogan “The more we waste, the more we prosper” suited the people at the time. In the meantime, most third world countries remained underfed Specialists from the Massachusetts Institute of Technology and the Roman College (?) warned the world of the eternal growth, but people ignored him, as the saying “What is small is beautiful” didn't appeal to them. They were blinded by their own greed, the people who spend money trying to lose weight

Some are ready to give aid, and the media persists to remind them that many people die every day of starvation.

A wild imagination might be needed to deal with this/ and solve that problem. Given that productive farms are rare, it is up to us to manage them with care.

hela

Dear members,

Thank you for your help. Before studying your translations carefully I have some questions for you, if you wouldn't mind.

1) Is it correct to say "INDUSTRIAL world" or should I say "INDUSTRIALISED world" ?

2) Is there a difference between "underfed" and "undernourished" ?

3) Is it better to say "Experts" than "specialists" of / from / at the MIT? Is there a difference between them ?

4) Let's suppose the MIT was called "the Institute of Technology" would we say OF Massachusetts or IN Massachusetts.

5) Is it incorrect to translate "aborder ce problème" by "deal with the problem"? What's the difference ?

Best regards,
Hela

pluiepoco

1) Is it correct to say "INDUSTRIAL world" or should I say "INDUSTRIALISED world" ?
The latter one, at least in my knowledge.
2) Is there a difference between "underfed" and "undernourished" ?
Fed is food, but nourish carries more, like vitamine...plus necessary medicine
3) Is it better to say "Experts" than "specialists" of / from / at the MIT? Is there a difference between them ?
Experts is an offical rank, but specialists is less important, the latter is near professional but not true expert.
4) Let's suppose the MIT was called "the Institute of Technology" would we say OF Massachusetts or IN Massachusetts.
Like Yale, the place name itself added to the culture of the school, it is interity, not just a place or name.
5) Is it incorrect to translate "aborder ce problème" by "deal with the problem"? What's the difference ?
go on the problem or be close to the problem is better, since aborder is the deriv. of border which means the division line btw the two.

hela

Sorry pluiepoco, I didn't understand your answer to question 4).

Many thanks,
Hela