Jess Kidden

“Would you state your full name?”
“Kidder Cuttleworth, I have no middle name.”
“Are you represented by an attorney?”
“I am your honor. I am represented by Mr. Wilson whom is my attorney.”
“Mrs. Burnside?”
Mrs. Burnside stands up to speak: “I am Mrs. Burnside.”
“And what is your full name?”
“Ima Hedda Burnside.”
“Aren’t you Mrs. Burnside?”
“Yes I am your Honor.”
“Then why did you tell me you’re a head of Burnside?”
“No your Honor, my name is Ima Hedda Burnside. Hedda is my maiden name. I was married to Seymour Burnside, but he died five years ago when he was killed in an apartment fire.
Oh it was a dreadful thing and he was only forty two, but he looked more like forty one as he took care of his health, except he did smoke cigarettes and drink beer and as it was he got drunk and accidentally dropped his lighted cigarette on the couch which caught fire and as he slept he died in the fire. We had been married for twenty years and had met in high school. Actually he was going with my best friend Mary Kristmas, but he dropped her on new years and we started dating after that. It was love at first sight. And he surely was a sight, long hair to his waist and a full beard; he looked like Abe Lincoln, except he wasn’t as handsome. Oh but did I love Abe Lincoln in grade school, what a handsome dashing man that president was. But my husband Seymour saw more in me and less of Mary. He wanted to be fireman too, but I talked him out of it telling him it was dangerous work and he might get killed in a fire some day, so he took my advice which of course was the wrong advice. But only our side got burned. The neighbors were spared.”
“I am not interested in a history lesson of your family.”
“I’m sorry your Honor.”

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life member of "the devil wants his rent gang"