http://help.berberber.com en Sat, 21 Nov 2009 02:29:37 GMT vBulletin 60 http://help.berberber.com/images/element/misc/rss.jpg http://help.berberber.com http://help.berberber.com/forum166/114387-2-little-boys.html Tue, 17 Nov 2009 11:22:45 GMT
Two little boys, ages 8 and 10, are extremely mischievous. They are always getting into trouble and their parents know all about it. If any mischief occurs in their town, the two boys are probably Involved.


The boys' mother heard that a preacher in town had been successful in disciplining children, so she asked if he would speak with her boys. The preacher agreed, but he asked to see them
individually.

So the mother sent the 8 year old first, in the morning, with the older boy to see the preacher in the afternoon.

The preacher, a huge man with a booming voice, sat the younger boy down and asked him sternly,

"Do you know where God is, son?"

The boy's mouth dropped open, but he made no response, sitting there wide-eyed with his mouth hanging open.

So the preacher repeated the question in an even sterner tone,
"Where is God?!"

Again, the boy made no attempt to answer. The preacher raised his voice even more and shook his finger in the boy's face and
bellowed,

"Where is God?!"

The boy screamed and bolted from the room, ran directly home and dove into his closet, slamming the door behind him.

When his older brother found him in the closet, he asked, "what
happened?"

The younger brother, gasping for breath, replied, "We are in BIG trouble this time.

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GOD is missing, and they think we did it!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ]]> Jokes and funny stories sajalarora http://help.berberber.com/forum166/114387-2-little-boys.html http://help.berberber.com/forum166/114335-why-you-shouldnt-cheat-your-girlfriend.html Sat, 14 Nov 2009 04:23:18 GMT Hi,

My name is Willie Booker and I am a jerk. It's not something I am proud of, it's just the truth. But I differ from other jerks in that I am honest about being a jerk, I like to point out the hypocrisy and lies of others, and I teach my female friends exactly how the game is played so they can avoid guys like myself.

Below is one of my stories (and it's true):


WHY YOU SHOULDN'T CHEAT ON YOUR GIRLFRIEND

Ok, gonna take a small break from the relationship advice for women, and tell you a story from a few years ago. It's a story about treating your women right. See, when a woman really loves a man she can put up with a lot of shit. The guy can be a total bastard to her, and she might even know her man is cheating. But no matter how much a woman loves her man, if he keeps breaking her heart and someone else comes along and the conditions are right, she's going to cheat.

It was getting close to winter and I was visiting my best friend in Shanghai. He had recently gotten married with his lovely wife whom I was also friends with. But I stay at their place each time I go because it's fun to hang out at night, do boys stuff like eat and drink late into the night whilst chatting and playing his playstation 3.

Of course, that's not the only reason I go to Shanghai. Only a loser would fly across the world to play the playstation 3 with his best friend.

Shanghai is one of the biggest party towns in the World, and it has the best looking women on earth there. I'm sure if you're a beautiful girl living in Tokyo, New York or London you would argue otherwise. However, what is for sure is that the best looking females out of a 1.2 billion population gravitate to this mecca of decadence, and debuchery for two things...........money..........and men with money.

I've had women scold me for this generalization, but it's true. In every big city in the world you will have a lot of women carefully observing the wallet sizes of the men they interact with, and the man with the best combination of personality and status gets the most girls' attention.

Shanghai was no exception. Had Tom Cruise stayed in Shanghai after MI3 he probably would have built up this own personal harem after just two days. One thing I both like and dislike about Shanghai is how easy the girls are. Not all Shanghai girls are like that, but a lot of the girls literally throw themselves at the expat men, and by doing that they undercut all the decent girls out there. That's right ladies, if you are to hate men for being jerks you might as well hate the sluts that tempt and corrupt the men out there.

Being a Westerner or a Western educated Chinese with money in Shanghai is like being a hungry man at a free buffet at the Grand Hyatt. It's the only place I've ever been to where I didn't have to hit on women, and the women walked up to me. That's part of my love/hate relationship with Shanghai, I love to have sex with beautiful women, but I hate the foul stench of golddiggers. I hate women that go after men not because they are in love, but because they see men as mobile ATM machines.

My best friend has a big crew in Shanghai, in his short time there he and his wife had built an extensive network of friends and associates, so it was a lot of fun to go up there. Whenever I go up there I don't have to make an effort to meet strangers, it always feels like I was visiting my second home. The clubs are excellent, they're cheap because the cost of living is still lower. You can open a bottle of vodka or champagne for just a couple of hundred bucks USD and girls will be happy to chat to you whilst sipping on free booze.

One of my best friend's buddies was a western educated Chinese guy that was totally pimped out with a crew of hot female friends. He was no gangster but his table was the stuff of dreams with tall, beautiful, leggy girls grinding against the guys, and they weren't even pros. I started dancing and grinding with one of the girls who spoke English well, and found out she was educated in Australia and used to be a flight attendant. OH flight attendant! Flight attendants, nurses, school girls, cops, teachers, French maids, and any good looking girl in a bikini. The seven deadly fantasies of men.

Here in front of me was a real walking, talking living emodiment of the very reason I had flown into this town just to party.

A few hours later I was taking the girl back to her place and we were making out in the cab. When we got downstairs I asked if I could go up to her place and that's when she dropped a bombshell on me. She told me she had a boyfriend and loved him very much. I struggled to think of a reason why she didn't really love her boyfriend, and should spend the night with me. "But, but........" I spluttered, and then she left.

You have no idea how lonely it is to be in your best friend's living room in Shanghai by yourself at 4am, with a cup noodle and a playstation 3.....

The next day whilst at a lunch buffet with my friend and his buddies at the Westin I called the girl and arranged to meet her for dinner. The Westin serves free Champagne, and there was lots of beer and whisky at the Karaoke we went to in the afternoon. So when I met the girl I was already in my caveman mode, liquored up, happy and talkative.

I found out later that night her boyfriend was French (just about says it all) and a businessman, and he was a real bastard to her. She had quit her job as a flight attendant because he didn't like her flying around, being in other cities, with the potential of meeting other men. She wasn't working for a mainland Chinese carrier either, it was an international carrier which paid well, so she had made a big sacrifice for him. But despite her sacrifice he neglected her, talked down to her, and frequently cheated on her.

This was not right, she deserved someone better. Not me of course, but who was I to deny a girl a good night of escapism?

After dinner, some drinks at a bar, and a couple of hours of dancing at a local club, I found myself downstairs at her apartment yet again. This time I got out of the cab to kiss her good bye. I told myself there was no way I was going to end up playing the playstation 3 in the dark whilst slurping on a cup noodle two nights in a row.

So I spent half an hour in the freezing cold telling her she deserved better and her boyfriend was a scumbag. Then just as I was in danger of getting frostbite, out of nowhere the best line I had ever uttered in my entire life popped out of my mouth......."hey babe, I don't want to intrude but I need a drink and the toilet, can I come up to your place for a few minutes?"

=)

I went to the bathroom and then proceeded to look around, pretending I was interested in her boyfriend's apartment. Then I sat down next to her and before I knew it, she launched herself at me. The girl turned out to be crazy in bed. She was relatively quiet and demure at dinner, but when we got to her bedroom she rode me like a sex starved insane bitch. It was kinda surreal, I mean I've seen and done a lot of things in my life but I just couldn't figure out how a girl that was totally shy in public can be so surprisingly different in bed.

Then I realised it was because she really was sex starved and going insane, because her man was never around her.

We had breakfast and then after I said bye to my best friend I took a cab to the airport with the girl. But she wasn't taking me all the way to the airport to say bye to me. The girl was picking her boyfriend up, it just happened he was landing an hour after I took off. Truly classic, the guy had been away for the weekend on business, probably in some other town in China screwing another girl, smug and happy that he was away from his annoying girlfriend. Meanwhile some guy from out of town was screwing his girlfriend's brains out in his very own apartment, and in his bed.


So treat your woman right, or next time she picks you up at the airport with a big grin on her face, it's not because she's happy to see you...... ]]> Jokes and funny stories Hkizzle http://help.berberber.com/forum166/114335-why-you-shouldnt-cheat-your-girlfriend.html http://help.berberber.com/forum166/113992-why-i-fired-my-secretary.html Mon, 26 Oct 2009 12:19:23 GMT This is a true story. Last week was my 40th birthday and I really didn’t feel like waking up that morning. I managed to pull myself together and go downstairs for breakfast, hoping my wife would be pleasant and say, “Happy Birthday!”, and possibly have a small present for me. As it turned out, she... This is a true story. Last week was my 40th birthday and I really didn’t feel like waking up that morning. I managed to pull myself together and go downstairs for breakfast, hoping my wife would be pleasant and say, “Happy Birthday!”, and possibly have a small present for me. As it turned out, she barely said good morning, let alone “Happy Birthday.” I thought… Well, that’s marriage for you, but the kids… They will remember.
My kids came trampling down the stairs to breakfast, ate their breakfast, and didn’t say a word to me. So when I made it out of the house and started for work, I felt pretty dumpy and despondent.
As I walked into my office, my secretary Joanne said, “Good Morning Boss, and by the way Happy Birthday!” It felt a bit better knowing that at least someone remembered. I worked in a zombie like fashion until about one o’clock, when Joanne knocked on my door and said, “You know, it’s such a beautiful day outside, and it’s your Birthday, why don’t we go out for lunch, just you and me.” I said, “Thanks, Joanne, that’s the best thing I’ve heard all day. Let’s go!”
We went to lunch but not where we’d normally go. Instead she took me to a quiet bistro with a private table. We had a couple of mixed drinks and I enjoyed the meal tremendously. On the way back to the office, Joanne said, “You know, It’s such a beautiful day… We don’t have to go right back to the office, do we?” I replied with “I suppose not. What do you have in mind?” She said, “Let’s go to my apartment, it’s just around the corner.”
After arriving at her apartment, Joanne turned to me and said, “Boss if you don’t mind, I’m goinna to step into the bedroom for just a moment. I’ll be right back.” “Ok.” I nervously replied. She went into the bedroom and, after a couple of minutes, she came out carrying a huge birthday cake…
Followed by my wife, my kids, and dozens of my friends, and co-workers, all singing “Happy Birthday”.
And I just sat there…
On the couch…
Naked. ]]> Jokes and funny stories sajalarora http://help.berberber.com/forum166/113992-why-i-fired-my-secretary.html