marielameche

DEMOCRACY -- AMERICAN: You have two cows. Your neighbors pick someone to tell you who gets the milk and then blame Japan while border guards beat up Mexicans sneaking into the country. People are outraged for a week or so and then go back to televised sports where there's no violence.
DEMOCRACY -- AMERICAN (a republic): You have two cows. The government exercises those powers delegated to it by the people, who are sovereign. The majority does not rule because the people and their representatives (elected, appointed and employed) are constrained by various checks and balances, including the Constitution, the Bill of Rights, the three co-equal branches of government, and the 50 state republics (see, e.g., Article IV, section 4). So what the government does with your cows and with the milk from those cows depends on the interaction between the people and the checks and balances mentioned above.
DEMOCRACY - FLORIDA: You have a black cow and a brown cow. Everyone votes for the best looking one. Some of the people who like the brown one best vote for the black one. Some people vote for both. Some people vote for neither. Some people can't figure out how to vote at all. Finally, a bunch of guys from out-of-state tell you which is the best looking one.
DEMOCRACY - AMERICAN: The government promises to give you two cows if you vote for it. After the election, the President is impeached for speculating in cow futures. The press dubs the affair "Cowgate."
DEMOCRACY - AUSTRALIAN: You have two cows. The government nationalizes your herd to control the price of milk and level the playing field for consumers. Each cow has a calf and they grow into cows. The milkers union stage an industrial action (strike) to protest the increase in the number of milk cows. A new party comes to power and the economic rationalists privatize your herd to control the price of milk and level the playing field for producers. The government orders the slaughter of two cows to cut production and control the price of milk.You throw a huge beef barbie (barbecue), with XXXX (how Australians spell beer), invite the milkers union, and give a speech espousing the merits of a level playing field. You still have two cows.
DEMOCRACY -- BRITISH: You have two cows. You feed them sheep's brains and they go mad. The government doesn't do anything.
DEMOCRACY -- REPRESENTATIVE: You have two cows. Your neighbors pick someone to tell you who gets the milk.
DEMOCRACY - PARLIAMENTARY: You have two cows. Politicians decide who gets the milk.
DICTATORSHIP - IDEALIZED: You have two cows. The government orders you to drink their milk.
DICTATORSHIP - REALITY: You have two cows. The government orders you to shoot them.
EDUCATIONALISM You have two cows. You pay for them to go to university. They come home as philosophy graduates and want to debate "The Morality Of Milk In A Cross-Species Society". Giving milk is now beneath their station in life anyway.
ENVIRONMENTALISM: You have two cows. The government bans you from milking or killing them.
EUROPEAN UNIONISM: You have two goats. The EU declares them to be fruit in order to conform to a rare Belgian custom of making Cow Jam (jam being required to have at least 45% fruit).
EUROPEAN UNIONISM: You have two cows. The EU develops a quota system that "limits the gas emissions from flatulent cows." You sell your carbon allotment, not the milk.
EUGENISM: You have two cows. You re-engineer them so they live for 100 years, eat once a month, and milk themselves.
FASCISM: You have two cows. The government takes both, hires you to take care of them, and sells you the milk.
FASCISM: You have two cows. You give the milk to the government and the government sells it.
FASCISM: You have two cows. The government takes one away and presses it into military service.
FASCISM - CORPORATE: You have two cows. The State takes both; their cronies form a corporation, hire you to take care of the cows and sell you the milk.
FASCISM: You have two cows. The government seizes both and sells you the milk. You join the underground and start a campaign of sabotage.
FEUDALISM: You have two cows. Your lord takes some of the milk.
FEUDALISM: Your lord lends you two cows. He takes most of the milk and leaves you some.
FAMILISM: You have two cows. You get married and your partner milks them.
FEMINISM -- You have two cows, you declare an amazonian state free of bull oppression and sit around waiting for the cows to hump each other.
FEMINISM You have two cows. They get married and adopt a veal calf.
FRISBEETARIANISM: You have two cows. One of them flies up on the roof and gets stuck. You hope the government provides cow ladders.
INDIA: You have two cows. You worship them.
ITALIAN: You have two cows but you don't know where they are. While ambling around looking for the cows, you see a beautiful woman. You break for lunch. Life is good.
IDEALISM : You have two cows. You give one to your neighbor. He then steals your cow and kills you.
INDUSTRIALISM: You have two cows. You dissect them both and figure out how to build a milk-factory instead.
LAWYERISM: You see two cows and note that their milk has not been labeled "Contains lactose." You find 20 lactose-intolerant people, start a class action suit against the owner of the cows, the regional dairy co-operative, the distributor and the retailer. You settle out of court for £1,000,000. Lactose intolerant milk drinkers get five quid each. You get the rest. You act surprised when the owner goes berserk and shoots his cows. You feign astonishment when the dairy co-op, the distributor
and the retailer all go out of business.

LIBERTARIANISM: Go away. What I do with my cows is none of your business.
LIBERTARIANISM: You have two cows. One has actually read the constitution, believes in it, and has some really good ideas about government. The cow runs for office, and while most people agree that the cow is the best candidate, nobody except the other cow votes for her because they think it would be "throwing their vote away."
MARXISM-LENINISM: The proletarian cows unite and overthrow the bourgeoisie cowherds. The egalitarian democratic cow revolutionary state with the cow party as vanguard disintegrate over time. Marx choked on a veggie-burger before he could explain what happens to the use-value, exchange-value and sign-value of bovine leather.
MEXICO: You think you have two cows, but you don't know what a cow looks like. You take a nap.
MILITARIANISM: You have two cows. the government takes both and drafts you.
MILITARIANISM: You have two cows. the army orders you to shoot them so that the enemy can't eat them.
MONARCHY: You have two cows. You give some milk to the King/Queen.
NAZISM: You have two cows. The government takes both and then shoots you.
NAZISM: You have two cows. You reengineer them so they are all blond, drink lots of beer, give excellent quality milk which they milk themselves, and run a hundred miles an hour. Unfortunately they also demand 13 weeks of vacation per year.
NIHILISM: You have two cows. You let them do what they want.
NEW DEALISM: You have two cows. The government takes both, shoots one, milks the other, and pours the milk down the sink. The government insists there is a giant storage tank where all the milk goes.
PACIFISM: You have two cows. They stampede you.
PEROTISM: You have two cows. You aren't allowed to sell the milk to Mexico.
PERESTROIKA : You have two cows. You have to take care of them, but the Mafia takes all the milk. You steal back as much milk as you can and sell it on the "free" market.
PLATONISM: You have two cows. You look for two other cows to milk.
PLATONISM: You have a reflection of two perfect cows. Their milk tastes like water. You look for two real cows to milk.
POLITICAL CORRECTNESSISM: You are associated with (the concept of "ownership" is a symbol of the phallocentric, warmongering, intolerant past) two differently aged (but no less valuable to society) bovines of nonspecified gender.
PROTECTIONISM: You have two cows. You can't buy a bull from another country.
REALISATIONALISM You have two cows. They are for their calves, their milk was never meant for human consumption!
REDISTRIBUTIONISM: You have two cows. Everyone should have the same amount of cow. The government takes both cows, cuts them up, and spends more than the cows are worth giving everyone a little piece of cow.
SOCIAL-DEMOCRATISM: You have two cows. You sell both to the rich. The government then taxes the rich one cow and gives it to the poor.
SOCIAL-DEMOCRATISM: You have two cows. You give away one cow and get the government to give you a new cow. Then you give them both away.
SOCIALISM: You have two cows. The government takes one of them and gives it to your neighbor.
SOCIALISM -- BUREAUCRATIC: You have two cows. The government takes them and puts them in a barn with everyone else's cows. They are cared for by ex-chicken farmers. You have to take care of the chickens the government took from the chicken farmers. The government gives you as much milk and eggs as the regulations say you should need.
SOCIALISM -- PURE: You have two cows. The government takes them and puts them in a barn with everyone else's cows. You have to take care of all the cows. The government gives you as much milk as you need.
SOCIALISM - COOPERATIVE: You have two cows. The government takes one and gives it to your neighbor. You form a cooperative to tell him how to manage his.
SOCIALISM - FRENCH: You have two cows. You go on strike because you want three cows.
SOCRATIC METHODISM: How many cows do I have? Why?
SURREALISM: You have two giraffes. The government requires you to take harmonica lessons.
SURREALISM: You have two aardvarks. The government paints one green and requires you to take harmonica lessons.
TALIBANISM: You have two cows. At first, the government makes them wear burkas, but later shoots them because "they are Hindu religious symbols."
TALIBANISM: Nobody has anything. The government shoots you in the soccer stadium.
TALIBANISM: You have all the cows in Afghanistan, which is two. You don't milk them because you cannot touch any creature's private parts. At night when no one is looking, you milk both of them. Then you kill them and claim a US bomb blew them up while they were in the hospital.
TOTATITARIANISM: You have two cows. The government takes them and denies they ever existed. Milk is banned.
THEOCRACY - IDEALIZED: You have two cows. You get all the milk. You love God, He loves you.
THEOCRACY - REALITY: You have two cows. The priest takes all your milk to offer it to God and drinks it.
UNITED NATIONISM: You have two cows. France vetoes you from milking them. The United States and Britain veto the cows from milking you. New Zealand abstains.
UTOPIANISM -- You have two cows. Mother Nature zaps the cows, turning their udders into eternal milk-shake dispensers.
Retrieved from "http://liberpedia.org/Cow"

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