here you go - forgive me for being a little loose with the wording! This is really just the general idea - if at least that comes through somewhat intact..
a
I'm in the same situation: I feel more like Raoul is by older brother than my husband. And I know it doesn't help the situation any that he doesn't even really turn me on anymore. But, since he has had the best part of 10 years of my life, it would be really hard to say it's all over now - and I don't even want to do that. Sometimes I reflect on how lucky we are to live in peace, him with his wife, me with my husband - and both of our new partners aren't at all jealous of what good friends we are. We even sometimes go out as a foursome. But we're not going to relationship counseling, since I know that the result wouldn't be as good as a real, well-functioning relationship. But the problem is, really, that there never really was a problem. There may have been things I didn't like, but those weren't really motives. In fact, we even talked on the phone last night for an hour and 7 minutes, all about how I'm going on a date with a new guy on Thursday, and he is borrowing my car on Saturday to go to the movies with a girl who he's been making eyes at for a while. And of course we'll go shopping together - maybe the situation is funny to others, but we just laugh at the astonished faces our family make about it.
Anyway, the new guy is already an old guy. We didn't click - we were really on completely different wavelengths. And you could say he wasn't really all that interested. Or - how can I put it so that you'll understand and not forget? Better to give you some examples: for about two years, he was desperately in love with his dream girl (and they even lived together for a little while,) but for two years there's been nothing physical between him and this girl, because she's got somebody off in America somewhere, and I think she's just using my poor 'ex-boyfriend' for his friendship and his occasional attentions. And he, at the age of 37, just can't get over her, because he's so used to her - which is just shit for him. He's already decided that he's going to go through his life alone (better alone than with a substitute for his dream-maker), and that's where I came into the picture - and so I posed a dilemma for him. And he had to give so much thought to this problem that in the meanwhile, he limited our physical relationship, so as not to cause any ancillary problems... so we just went to the movies together, and hung out in coffee-houses. Just like 16-year-olds. Which was fun - just not quite enough.
So I asked him (from the depths of my feminine soul) whether he thought sex shouldn't be a part of a healthy life? Because I miss it. I don't resent the fact that nothing's quite, as it were, found its way into me yet - it's fine for the time being; it's just also sometimes nice - being together, if you get my meaning. But don't think that I'm completely sex-obsessed; it's just that if I make an emotional investment in a guy, then of course an element of it is that I like being with him physically too. I think at the age of 31 that's normal. And I think that if a guy isn't that way at the age of 37, then that's abnormal!
So, anyway, the primary problem that comes out of this and the end of the story is that we just weren't a good match sexually.
The only problem is that we have so much in common in almost every area of life: common hobbies, interests, points of view, travel habits, etc. And he's very interesting, intelligent, helpful (my friends are crazy about him, since we went skiing together for 3 days,) self-deprecating... I could go on and on listing his good qualities. Of course our relationship has its drawbacks too - maybe even more than with Raoul - since Raoul and I can converse much more easily, which is kind of natural after so much time. Peter and I can't really talk as easily yet. But that could change, and I really hope that if I eventually choose somebody, which is to say, if I should one day trade in Raul (who was a very good husband) for somebody new - that it should really be worthwhile. The other thing is that Peter hasn't really lived with someone for quite a while. And that means he has quite a lot of habits - doesn't everybody? - and maybe he's a little less able to adjust: he seems to lose his footing fairly easily if his everyday habits are broken, as I noticed.
So those are the reasons why I told him yesterday that maybe this thing wasn't going to work out, and that maybe we should just stay friends.
Of course all those positive characteristics I mentioned above aregiving me second throughts. And I'm not completely insensitive: I must have felt enough of something towards him to have gone to bed with him.
So that's my complicated private life. And on Thursday I have a date with this guy from the office who's been crazy about me for three years, although until now we've only had a professional relationship. Ever since he found out that I was available, he's just started in on me. I doubt he's going to turn out to be the real thing, but I'm giving him a chance, largely just for the company, and because my feminine side likes all the praise and courting. Selfish motives, but at the age of 31, I'm not turning down any possibilities, so long as there's any hope of a relationship that might inspire me.
Anyway I think that even if you recently betrayed Laura sexually, it's not necessarily proof that Laura isn't the one for you. Anyway so few of us ever find The One - maybe 1 or 2 out of 100. And Laura may be the right mate for you - even if you do cheat on her sometimes. Consider the fact, not that it does anything to excuse your foibles, that you are a man, and you men work differently, hormonally. To you, a little roll in the hay doesn't necessarily mean you have lasting ties to somebody, just a bit of bodily enjoyment. Of course I wouldn't stand for it either, if my man cheated on me, but I do know how I would behave, if our relationship worked well in every other way. And it wouldn't be a reason for me to leave him - I'm not so idealistic as that (God forbid!)
I'm proud of you for achieving so much with your mind! Maybe you haven't gotten everything there is to get out of it yet, but business school will help, and I hope it's shining a light ahead to the end of the tunnel. It's a great thing that you are teaching students, giving presentations, and that you're getting so much out of university. I hope it makes you proud of yourself as well! I can't find your article on the internet - is it already published? I'd like to read it.
By the way, what is the "A" in your name for? I didn't hear it before.